Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Post #993, copied from kopisoh.wordpress.com -
Puking Marathon
See.. karma bit me on the backside cos i wanted to skip Monday - the most dreaded day of work - to go out and play with the boyfriend, who was having a day off before the night shift.
Besides a day out, had also planned to finish up a dreaded report, and go for an eye check up.
Didn’t do ANY of that Woke up at 9am to a bloated, churning stomach. I thought it was menstrual cramps, but sth abt the churning didnt feel right, and after a few minutes i found myself tryin to suppress this urge to puke. Didn’t work.. so i threw up, but it was just bile, yellowish-green and bitter. Double euw.. it looked almost neon when i wasnt wearing my specs.
Finished that, and went out of the house without consuming anything cos that would just be a bad idea. Went to tampines, and got bombarded by all kinds of smells that aren’t normally offensive on a normal day :S Ended up puking the same bilous stuff at fik’s. Puked again at changi hospital while waiting my turn. Puked again after the milo and biscuits at fik’s, and puked for the last time again after the chee cheong fun and ribena i tried to have in the evening. In between was mostly weakness and feeling jelly cos i couldn’t eat! argh! and i was hungry! never felt so eating-challenged before. Went to A&E only cos fik thought it was free for civil servants (he was right, but i’m not a civil servant by definition haha) and cos it could be faster there.. well it was definitely more thorough. They even took a pregnancy test, haha.
To end it i had fever the whole night and my mum actually sponged me for half of that time. Am i a loser or what!! Ok thanks mum.. and she had to work morning!
AM leave today.. to test if i can eat without adverse effects. So far so good. But i haven had coffee since yesterday
Going back to work in a while.. better bring an opaque plastic bag.
The magnesium trisilicate shit is really shitty medicine.
[Edit: I took another day off instead, cos it still doesn't feel right, and i think i'm allergic to the meds - again....]
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
This is post #992 on this blog!
How timely... i shall have to create 8 more to make it 1,000 posts on this blog. hahhahaa. So i shall copy and paste what i wrote in my new blog here, to make up the numbers. :p damn cheapskate, it's like playing the facebook thread thing all over again with the taufikians. haha.
New Blog: http://kopisoh.wordpress.com
"Oh my i’m starting a new blog! After - gulp - 5 years at Blogspot under the silly title The Shindig!!!
Yes it used to be noisy and senseless in the previous blog. That’s why it was called the shindig.. cos pple make lots of noise and do stupid things at shindigs.
Then i shifted to this blog because the old blogspot template screwed up, and i’m too lazy to do some massive overhauling. WordPress looked easy to use.
This blog was initially randomly named kopitiam cos i love coffee, doh.. but it turned out to be a subliminal decision (plus, the userid was not used by anyone else yet, saving me a lot of trouble!), cos pple sit at kopitiams all day talking shop or talking kok, which i’d love to do all day. At a chilled pace, at my own time. A reflection of me as a mellow creature who prefers to play the role as observer in any social grouping.
The culture of idling is (at least for me!) a culture of reflection. Watching the world go by.. being a little introspective.. sometimes it also means taking time out to figure out unfulfilled dreams, lost opportunities..
At the same time it also instigates action, because how can u not act on unfulfilled desires? Won’t you just sit around kicking yourself?
So yeah i kinda use blogging for those two purposes.. i cannot sit still to think to myself.. just isn’t intuitive. And my memory doesn’t serve me well at all. So writing helps me think, place my rambling into more generalized themes, commit them to memory, and then decide what to do with those thoughts and feelings.
On the topic of unrealised dreams, i’m seriously at a quarter-life crisis! Like, there’s so much i haven’t proven to myself, to experiment with, to learn about.. and on the other hand, there’s simply no time left to do these! So many big things waiting up on the list.. and not just things, but people waiting for me to make decisions. Am feeling really selfish… 2008 was a selfish year. I’m not sure how to juggle 2009. Hope to set some things in motion regarding the future.. at least save more money so it can enable more things and try to create wealth in other ways. On the other hand, i still can’t tear myself away from looking out for job satisfaction, dance satisfaction, and just simply not wanting to grow up."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Oh i love Aqualung's Brighter Than Sunshine.. will someone choreograph something to it pretty please? :)
im looking to migrate to a new blog... soon la huh. will update!
Monday, December 22, 2008
3.5 years together!! :-O
Just gets more and more surreal. Happy anniversary fik!!!! My object of love lust friendship and all other things combined. :p muahahhaha.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
ok.. i feel like i have to say it now.. or be forever depressed..
i feel like a hypocrite at work, NO MATTER how much meaning i find in some of the work i do.
That's ironic.. and so i have to break it down.
(i) Intention - i believe in the intent of research and documentation. i love digging up stuff and putting it down and analysing every damn bit and angle and dimension. I also believe in the intention of development, improvement, finding faults, and learning from them. I believe in knowledge, education, sharing, collaboration.
(ii) Unintended consequences - i can finally fit this notion into the whole picture. Very timely comment by a wise colleague.. and very apt for my type of organisation, the infamous bureaucracy. so sorry to spoil its image, and spoil the optimism of some - including myself - that the way we do things is so well-intended, but so wrong. and yes i totally feel like a cog in a wheel, every damn morning. and i frustrate myself by trying to rationalize the good intentions above into a "meaningful" job, when in fact it is not meaningful for me. Yes it's meaningful, but not for me. I don't see my value, and i won't see my value in the short term, and it continues to frustrate me to see more unnecessary work done by myself and others than valuable work. You can explain to me in a million different ways that every role in the org is valuable, but it's still not what i'll call "meaningful to me".
The worst thing is... i'm in the business of telling pple to try the very stuff i don't find myself believing wholeheartedly in. How crazy is that? I'm telling pple there's value to doing this this that.. and it results in a whole bunch of pple being recruited to do this this and that.. when we don't even know for sure how effective it all actually is. Is it creating a bigger monster out of the whole mess already? Apparent saving grace - my organisation (on a macro perspective) is regarded as one of the best in the world, and is emulated by many. Imitation is definitely flattery, but i think that's all it means... to flatter what was found impressive. Does not indicate how well things are going for the people in the organisation. Does not directly relate to pride in one's place. I sometimes am also in the business of helping to emulate what worked for others, but i hardly believe that conditions for success can be emulated. Even if i could replicate success by copying some role model or other in my own personal life, i'm not sure how warped things become when you involve a whole organisation with a hundred thousand people and years of excess baggage. There.. i'm in the business of adding to the very excess baggage that i don't like carrying.
I stay because of learning value, and the relationships forged. Previously i would have said i stayed because i believe in the work that i do, but now on hindsight maybe not so much... or not in a way where outcomes are intended. I would also have said i stayed because of the people who believed in me.. and i'm grateful for that, but a brief chat with the ever-enlightened dorothy tan clarified that maybe i should live for my own expectations instead of others'. I stay because i want to repay the debt i owe... and i give myself another year to finishing repaying and making all the stupid mistakes i can make in order to avoid doing them in a more critical situation next time. Yes.. it's definitely better to be clear about what you want and to be selfish, than drag others down in what they find meaningful.
Thank you ayn rand! I also think reading weber now would be spine-chillingly true. ha.
It was also clearer after i spoke to chee chong and dorothy that evening (over a vegetarian dinner no less, hahhahah, freaking 30 bucks bloody tung lok!). Our conversations since the canteen days have always been very serious i dont know why... hahahhaha. I'll always rem him and dot trying to argue religion. Anyway seeing cc forge his own path in the chinese market is also thought provoking.. i mean, it takes just two ingredients to do something really meaningful and effective. To quote economic terms, you just have to be willing and able. You cannot just be able. Or just be willing. You have to have the natural talent, and then the will to do it. There's simply no compromise to a happy outcome. hahahha.
To end this confessional blog post... i wanna say Jason Mraz also had a part to play! Listenin to "Make It Mine" and it's just inspiring la! And so Jason Mraz is my new nerdy love, and Robert Pattinson is my new heartthrob love *fangirl scream*. ahh! :p
Oh... and before i forget, on the topic of newly forged dreams and aspirations, and to remind myself to do what is meaningful to me, this is what i have in mind:
- Three items for evo in March 09
- Some stuff for rhythmstylus hopefully
- Crossed fingers... a trip to US sometime in 09/10
- Crossed crossed fingers... to stay there for an extended period of time
- To use the above as a way to indicate that it's time for the next phase of independent life.. so leave me alone to decide on my own terms of lifelong companionship.
Jason Mraz - Make It Mine
Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you
Listen to your voice
The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap and the net will appear
I don't wanna wake before
The dream is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine
I keep my life on a heavy rotation
Requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
And over to a table at the graditude café
And I am finally there
And all the angels they'll be singing
I, la la la I, la la la I, la la la la love this
Well I don't wanna break before
The tour is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine
And timing's everything
and this time there's plenty
I am balancing
Careful and steady
And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting
I don't wanna wait no more
No I wanna celebrate the whole world
I'm gonna make it mine
Because I'm following your joy
I'm gonna make it mine
Because I, I am open
I'm gonna make it mine
That's why, I will show it
I'm gonna make it all mine
Mm gonna make, gonna make, gonna make
Gonna make it, make it, make it mine
Oh my, yes I'll make it all mine
where the fuck is my picture! shit.. i hate having to move my blog.. its been 4 years since i started it and im just so lazy to do sth new to it.
