THE SHINDIG

2009-01-13T12:43:00.001+08:00

Post #993, copied from kopisoh.wordpress.com -

Puking Marathon

See.. karma bit me on the backside cos i wanted to skip Monday - the most dreaded day of work - to go out and play with the boyfriend, who was having a day off before the night shift.

Besides a day out, had also planned to finish up a dreaded report, and go for an eye check up.

Didn’t do ANY of that Woke up at 9am to a bloated, churning stomach. I thought it was menstrual cramps, but sth abt the churning didnt feel right, and after a few minutes i found myself tryin to suppress this urge to puke. Didn’t work.. so i threw up, but it was just bile, yellowish-green and bitter. Double euw.. it looked almost neon when i wasnt wearing my specs.

Finished that, and went out of the house without consuming anything cos that would just be a bad idea. Went to tampines, and got bombarded by all kinds of smells that aren’t normally offensive on a normal day :S Ended up puking the same bilous stuff at fik’s. Puked again at changi hospital while waiting my turn. Puked again after the milo and biscuits at fik’s, and puked for the last time again after the chee cheong fun and ribena i tried to have in the evening. In between was mostly weakness and feeling jelly cos i couldn’t eat! argh! and i was hungry! never felt so eating-challenged before. Went to A&E only cos fik thought it was free for civil servants (he was right, but i’m not a civil servant by definition haha) and cos it could be faster there.. well it was definitely more thorough. They even took a pregnancy test, haha.

To end it i had fever the whole night and my mum actually sponged me for half of that time. Am i a loser or what!! Ok thanks mum.. and she had to work morning!

AM leave today.. to test if i can eat without adverse effects. So far so good. But i haven had coffee since yesterday

Going back to work in a while.. better bring an opaque plastic bag.

The magnesium trisilicate shit is really shitty medicine.

[Edit: I took another day off instead, cos it still doesn't feel right, and i think i'm allergic to the meds - again....]

Post #992

2009-01-07T17:36:00.002+08:00

This is post #992 on this blog!

How timely... i shall have to create 8 more to make it 1,000 posts on this blog. hahhahaa. So i shall copy and paste what i wrote in my new blog here, to make up the numbers. :p damn cheapskate, it's like playing the facebook thread thing all over again with the taufikians. haha.

New Blog: http://kopisoh.wordpress.com

"Oh my i’m starting a new blog! After - gulp - 5 years at Blogspot under the silly title The Shindig!!!

Yes it used to be noisy and senseless in the previous blog. That’s why it was called the shindig.. cos pple make lots of noise and do stupid things at shindigs.

Then i shifted to this blog because the old blogspot template screwed up, and i’m too lazy to do some massive overhauling. WordPress looked easy to use.

This blog was initially randomly named kopitiam cos i love coffee, doh.. but it turned out to be a subliminal decision (plus, the userid was not used by anyone else yet, saving me a lot of trouble!), cos pple sit at kopitiams all day talking shop or talking kok, which i’d love to do all day. At a chilled pace, at my own time. A reflection of me as a mellow creature who prefers to play the role as observer in any social grouping.

The culture of idling is (at least for me!) a culture of reflection. Watching the world go by.. being a little introspective.. sometimes it also means taking time out to figure out unfulfilled dreams, lost opportunities..

At the same time it also instigates action, because how can u not act on unfulfilled desires? Won’t you just sit around kicking yourself?

So yeah i kinda use blogging for those two purposes.. i cannot sit still to think to myself.. just isn’t intuitive. And my memory doesn’t serve me well at all. So writing helps me think, place my rambling into more generalized themes, commit them to memory, and then decide what to do with those thoughts and feelings.

On the topic of unrealised dreams, i’m seriously at a quarter-life crisis! Like, there’s so much i haven’t proven to myself, to experiment with, to learn about.. and on the other hand, there’s simply no time left to do these! So many big things waiting up on the list.. and not just things, but people waiting for me to make decisions. Am feeling really selfish… 2008 was a selfish year. I’m not sure how to juggle 2009. Hope to set some things in motion regarding the future.. at least save more money so it can enable more things and try to create wealth in other ways. On the other hand, i still can’t tear myself away from looking out for job satisfaction, dance satisfaction, and just simply not wanting to grow up."

2008-12-28T22:04:00.001+08:00

Oh i love Aqualung's Brighter Than Sunshine.. will someone choreograph something to it pretty please? :)

im looking to migrate to a new blog... soon la huh. will update!

Anniversary

2008-12-22T00:29:00.003+08:00

3.5 years together!! :-O

Just gets more and more surreal. Happy anniversary fik!!!! My object of love lust friendship and all other things combined. :p muahahhaha.

2008-12-18T22:54:00.008+08:00

ok.. i feel like i have to say it now.. or be forever depressed..

i feel like a hypocrite at work, NO MATTER how much meaning i find in some of the work i do.
That's ironic.. and so i have to break it down.

(i) Intention - i believe in the intent of research and documentation. i love digging up stuff and putting it down and analysing every damn bit and angle and dimension. I also believe in the intention of development, improvement, finding faults, and learning from them. I believe in knowledge, education, sharing, collaboration.

(ii) Unintended consequences - i can finally fit this notion into the whole picture. Very timely comment by a wise colleague.. and very apt for my type of organisation, the infamous bureaucracy. so sorry to spoil its image, and spoil the optimism of some - including myself - that the way we do things is so well-intended, but so wrong. and yes i totally feel like a cog in a wheel, every damn morning. and i frustrate myself by trying to rationalize the good intentions above into a "meaningful" job, when in fact it is not meaningful for me. Yes it's meaningful, but not for me. I don't see my value, and i won't see my value in the short term, and it continues to frustrate me to see more unnecessary work done by myself and others than valuable work. You can explain to me in a million different ways that every role in the org is valuable, but it's still not what i'll call "meaningful to me".

The worst thing is... i'm in the business of telling pple to try the very stuff i don't find myself believing wholeheartedly in. How crazy is that? I'm telling pple there's value to doing this this that.. and it results in a whole bunch of pple being recruited to do this this and that.. when we don't even know for sure how effective it all actually is. Is it creating a bigger monster out of the whole mess already? Apparent saving grace - my organisation (on a macro perspective) is regarded as one of the best in the world, and is emulated by many. Imitation is definitely flattery, but i think that's all it means... to flatter what was found impressive. Does not indicate how well things are going for the people in the organisation. Does not directly relate to pride in one's place. I sometimes am also in the business of helping to emulate what worked for others, but i hardly believe that conditions for success can be emulated. Even if i could replicate success by copying some role model or other in my own personal life, i'm not sure how warped things become when you involve a whole organisation with a hundred thousand people and years of excess baggage. There.. i'm in the business of adding to the very excess baggage that i don't like carrying.

I stay because of learning value, and the relationships forged. Previously i would have said i stayed because i believe in the work that i do, but now on hindsight maybe not so much... or not in a way where outcomes are intended. I would also have said i stayed because of the people who believed in me.. and i'm grateful for that, but a brief chat with the ever-enlightened dorothy tan clarified that maybe i should live for my own expectations instead of others'. I stay because i want to repay the debt i owe... and i give myself another year to finishing repaying and making all the stupid mistakes i can make in order to avoid doing them in a more critical situation next time. Yes.. it's definitely better to be clear about what you want and to be selfish, than drag others down in what they find meaningful.

Thank you ayn rand! I also think reading weber now would be spine-chillingly true. ha.

It was also clearer after i spoke to chee chong and dorothy that evening (over a vegetarian dinner no less, hahhahah, freaking 30 bucks bloody tung lok!). Our conversations since the canteen days have always been very serious i dont know why... hahahhaha. I'll always rem him and dot trying to argue religion. Anyway seeing cc forge his own path in the chinese market is also thought provoking.. i mean, it takes just two ingredients to do something really meaningful and effective. To quote economic terms, you just have to be willing and able. You cannot just be able. Or just be willing. You have to have the natural talent, and then the will to do it. There's simply no compromise to a happy outcome. hahahha.

To end this confessional blog post... i wanna say Jason Mraz also had a part to play! Listenin to "Make It Mine" and it's just inspiring la! And so Jason Mraz is my new nerdy love, and Robert Pattinson is my new heartthrob love *fangirl scream*. ahh! :p

Oh... and before i forget, on the topic of newly forged dreams and aspirations, and to remind myself to do what is meaningful to me, this is what i have in mind:
- Three items for evo in March 09
- Some stuff for rhythmstylus hopefully
- Crossed fingers... a trip to US sometime in 09/10
- Crossed crossed fingers... to stay there for an extended period of time
- To use the above as a way to indicate that it's time for the next phase of independent life.. so leave me alone to decide on my own terms of lifelong companionship.

Jason Mraz - Make It Mine
Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you
Listen to your voice
The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap and the net will appear

I don't wanna wake before
The dream is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

I keep my life on a heavy rotation
Requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
And over to a table at the graditude café

And I am finally there
And all the angels they'll be singing
I, la la la I, la la la I, la la la la love this

Well I don't wanna break before
The tour is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

And timing's everything
and this time there's plenty
I am balancing
Careful and steady
And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting

I don't wanna wait no more
No I wanna celebrate the whole world
I'm gonna make it mine
Because I'm following your joy
I'm gonna make it mine
Because I, I am open
I'm gonna make it mine
That's why, I will show it
I'm gonna make it all mine
Mm gonna make, gonna make, gonna make
Gonna make it, make it, make it mine
Oh my, yes I'll make it all mine

2008-12-18T19:03:00.001+08:00

where the fuck is my picture! shit.. i hate having to move my blog.. its been 4 years since i started it and im just so lazy to do sth new to it.

2008-12-06T23:55:00.005+08:00

It's the hari raya weekend!! and the poor boy is working 7am-3pm. he said should have worn the baju kurung to the A&E dept to drive home the message that he should be somewhere else!!!! haha.

What have i been doing?! haven blogged for so long... didnt feel the urge also, until one day i realised its cos i've simply not been inspired, outside of my daily grind. have not danced since next wave ended, and i really miss that :( like many others, i dont count teaching as dancing, cos it's a different focus. first you have to choreo, and then you have to carry out pedagogy. and also because some time is dedicated to subbing classes these two months, i actually decided to give countdown a miss - AGAIN!!!!! never had the chance to do it! :( this yr is on the floating platform! it'll be so much fun! oh.. classes fall on saturdays, which happens to be the most popular day for rehearsals.

on the flipside, am always excited to choreo and to practise teaching.. excited that i get to work on the most undeveloped side of me as a dancing person. hehe. so many new songs to work on.. so many inspiring choreographers i see and want to emulate.. and such a great opportunity to teach people who actually want to learn sth! (i.e. NOT community centre classes) these people are actually trained! im always v impressed when they manage to learn sth WITHIN one hour. i always keep within 60 min! and sometimes i give them 5-6 eights. and i give v itchy backside steps. and they manage to look neat!! plus they can appreciate the music better. wow... wow. hahaha. there really is a difference between teaching intro and adv beg. same teacher, diff results. this will end by dec tho, unless i get random subbing offers. which....... i dont mind. cos forced to think in terms of diff genres for the diff classes to be subbed. well.. but if this all ends by dec.. i.e. im not really a natural at this, then i'll just thank people for trusting me, and i'm happy to go back to being the one being taught :D

but there are just some things that cannot be expressed through the genre of hip hop.. need to dance need to dance!

been catching up on youtube this weekend.. there are the ever-popular choreographers, the greats, and then there are the revolutionaries, the mind-blowing ones!! tucker and mariel top my revolutionaries list - the jawdropping ones :p

had time to read this dance mag also.. good to read things that bring you back to the fundamentals. one article explicitly stated strong core = strong dancer. check... good to remember that. another article was on dancers who try to juggle an academic degree with their dance pursuits... and their opinion was that an academic degree is not sth that pulls you down, but is actually something that broadens your worldview, makes you more disciplined, and actually makes you a dancer who stands out from others, because you practise thinking on a conceptual level, you are intellectually stimulated, and you actually have something to dance about. i think the gist is just that you don't just dance for the sake of it, but you dance cos you have things to express, and theres no harm in being a late dancer just because you want to put time into other pursuits, like a degree.. or work.. or sth.

and the last article i want to mention was actually an interview of some of the ballet/modern/contemp greats from the major musicals....and it's just nice to hear them use words like "glorious" and "free" to describe their movements in their performances. to me it is such purity of intention and purity of movement that it is an end in itself.. and thats why people work so damn hard to try to achieve them over and over again, even though it doesnt fall under today's definition of an "economically productive activity". then again if you're not born with such amazing talent, better to focus the energy on what you are actually good at, than try to be the next mozart or mariah :p

other updates: i love timeout magazine for keeping updated, flight of the conchords, chuck and saturday night live!! Jimmy fallon is so charming, Will ferrell is plain crude, and Justin is hilarious!!!!!

Justin Timberlake - Barry Gibbs Talk Show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnkMb5aVXvU

I remember this!!!!! - Dick In A Box! hahhahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg&NR=1

2008-11-27T04:36:00.002+08:00

this week is goin to be over soon..... have been wondering if my limits have been reached man... i know the little mistakes left the biggest impression on one too many people.. but wtf.... theres so much excess baggage in public service to care about... where got time???? knn..

Back from Hong Kong

2008-11-16T22:49:00.002+08:00

Back from Hong Kong.. can say i survived it, but won't say that i met expectations, much less exceed them. Such a trip is supposed to be one of those bonus things to have on the portfolio, and it means then that you're supposed to come back victorious..ready to move up a notch.. ready to fight the next big battle because you just survived one and it was a piece of cake, etc etc. Unfortunately i dont feel those things now cos i'm kinda bogged down by all the stumbling and halting and incompetencies. And its magnified by the number of people who were there to witness it..directors..trip people.. etc. Waiting for it to go away la.. as it usually does. Meanwhile i thank heavens and the bosses and the colleagues for supporting.. emotionally and physically, at the workplace, cos lots of work on now for the next event ! The trip people were also really nice, the family too, and the loved one at work now in hospital. Apart from the positive experiences, think the trip helped me determine what i dont want to do la...... i really dont want to do this long term. The sucky thing is economy not doin well, so not a great time to think of options. Dreading work. Persevere yes....... with a lot of damage to psyche if theres no good balance, like dance. And i haven been dancing at all!! Didnt get to dance in HK! Man......

Still glad to be back breathing clean singapore air and not havin to hussle and eat and walk and talk reallyreallyreally fast.

hong kong

2008-11-10T00:46:00.003+08:00

i'm blue cos the one i love is blue.. and because i also feel damn incompetent around here.. ha.. the common reason i use is that "i'm not made for this"... but really how many times can i use it man.. feels like i cant do anything at all. and so i concluded (prematurely) a few days back that it should be better that i just hang around and not try to work for money at all. but of course that will never happen.. haha. enjoyed my leisure time tho.. the part where i dump stuff out of my head. dragged my family around parts of hk we never explored before and ate like crazy and took photos like crazy. feel bad cos my mum can't really walk for long periods and seems to be falling ill so easily. its monday again.. blue monday..another two days to completion of the trip with the people but when i get back, everything that snowballed will roll onto my head.. i'm hoping christmas comes smoothly.

2008-10-27T20:43:00.002+08:00

i'm actually inspired by tom cruise's dancing in tropic thunder! ahhaha! should incorporate some moves into the next session/class. :p

meeting up with the RS's slash BHFs was good.. actually bhf is a more generic term.. cos we all are big hair rozana's friends.. hahahha.. sorry guys i was so sleepy.. didnt sleep much the day before.. and its not cos i was hanging out all night with some hot latino lover (hint hint) but its cos i couldnt sleep.. hahaha.. gonna get killed. :X

back to tropic thunder.. i love the part at the beginning where robert downey was holding ben stiller's flower petal hands up.. and really didnt know it was robert downey!! i love him!! he hot ;D and the nerdy guy was quite funny too. and a freakin panda???? and mandarin speakin pple? hahaha.. outrageously dumb.. great group movie and outing :P

Vietnam

2008-10-17T21:18:00.002+08:00

Wooooooooo ho chi minh city from 18-21 oct
it'll be fun jaywalking and riding there
my balls will really shrink

short getaway cos its the month that taufik has leave to clear.. and the last time i did not go on a hol with him, and banned him from going without me, it turned out reeaaaaaaally bad.. and was a total waste of time for him. i nearly didnt make this one too, cos it's always difficult to tear myself away from my home. there are dictators at home. but i made it.. cos i just 'informed' them i'm buying tickets. haha. the joys of being economically independent.

haven had time to read the guide books much.. just gonna go soak up the air there. and the coffee!!!!! flight is at 725am.. that means gotta wake up at 4am. haven packed.. but nothing much to pack la. we got a guesthouse there.. luan vu.. plenty of good reviews, so i trust it. :D

wheeeee vietnam!!

oct and nov is really looking like hell at work tho. two major things happening.. one in early nov, hong kong trip, and the other in late nov, a convention. meanwhile, been taking time to do whats supposed to be the core work for me now. been parking with june at botanic gardens, combing thru noms from years passed - 1984 to present. hahah.. i get so caught up with the details i'm only at the second file ! CRAP! there are boxes of them!! but its really damn interesting. and i really think that if i leave this job, i'll go straight to nparks to get a job, cos it's so amazing to work in the middle of botanic gardens!!!! in the morn the air is so bloody fresh and nice. in the afternoon when tired of working, can just go take a walk. saw some staff go joggin there during lunch time and when they come to work. in the evening when leaving office, the greenery greets you like a blast of fresh air. so refreshing all the time .... its zen-ness 24-7. haha. the restaurants are lovely to chill at. those within the gardens are expensive, but there are cheaper alternatives nearby, taman serasi and law fac - cheap food!! only caveat - a bit inaccessible unless you get used to strolling 15-20min to get to your office :S i dont even like my 8min dash from buona vista to the building now. haha.. pampered as hell!

and i haven been catching up with the backlog... i'm such a bottleneck......... argh. horrendous. but on weekends, my policy is to forget everything.

YAY! vietnam ca phe!

2008-10-07T16:02:00.001+08:00

Blackadder quote generator!!!!!!!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/blackadder/quotes/index.shtml

Blackadder: I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...

- Private Plane (Season 4)

black adder

2008-09-28T20:18:00.003+08:00

I'm up to "Duel and Duality", S03E06, and still in every ep there are at least - at the very least - ten brilliant lines of perfect comic timing. acted out soooooo fine. hahahha
incl. this one!

Blackadder: An unwise action, Baldrick, since Mad MacAdder is a homicidal maniac.
Baldrick: [Proudly] My mother told me to stand up to homicidal maniacs.
Blackadder: Yes, and this is the same mother who confidently claimed that you are a tall, handsome, stallion of a man. I would treat her opinions with extreme caution.
Baldrick: [Reminiscing] I love my mum.
Blackadder: And I love chops and sauce but I don't seek their advice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfkxtnm1K6A&feature=related#

acne pills

2008-09-28T17:08:00.002+08:00

I HATE TAKING PILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my antibiotics jus got switched back to my original ones cos the other ones might have been causing acne rather than removing them. And the original ones erytab taste like sewage!!
major euw!
:(

blackadder

2008-09-28T03:26:00.002+08:00

so far i think i like the third series of blackadder best :D

love atkinson doin his thing here hahahhah. and the new prime minister of great britain. and the prince of wales. hahahhaa
and omg i didnt realise it's Dr House that i'm lookin at!!!! i'm an idiot !!!!!!! hugh laurie! omg hes quite hot. i like him himbotic. :Da
"rubber button"
"anti-distinctly-minty-monumen talism" Lol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbg6lwxrVDU&NR=1

WLIIA

2008-09-26T23:19:00.006+08:00

WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Game: Hollywood Director

Colin directs Hunky Plumber Ryan, Frisky Housewife Kathy, and Kathy's Outraged Mother Wayne. aka the Mount Evercrap episode. hahahah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxA47OuE7i4#

Colin directs Wayne the store detective, Ryan the shoplifter, and Brad the police officer who has been called to the scene. Aka "What did Shakespeare say all the world's a stage I say you are crap!" episode. and Elvis! I LOVE COLIN!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQAJkzAJcZ8#

Whoopi Goldberg guest stars! Ryan is evil whip-wielding judge, Whoopi is gypsy girl, and Wayne is "hideously ugly" haha.. love the dancing and the NY parts!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YkR5byDw2w

Wayne as temperamental model, Ryan as incompetent waiter who spills stuff on Wayne, and Chip as angry husband. "If This was crap, you need a ladder to get that high!"
Also the exorcist episode ! I still love coliN!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31IUtg1noYQ#

Ryan and Wayne play two competing explorers on the final leg of their race to the north pole, when Wayne falls into an icehole. Brad, their German rival, races in to help with a team of huskies. "I think it was Pavarotti who said - craaaaap..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd7PA1BAiTc#

Ryan and Wayne as two bickering french chefs who start a fire. Greg the firefighter comes to rescue them. Slow Mo scene!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fArSM0Yjre8

Ryan is a vampire bat, Wayne is a mouthy college girl showering for a date, and Greg is Prof Van Helsing who confronts the vampire. hahhaa. Count Crapula episode with a gay vampire, nearsighted people and river dancers !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjOIXfHe-Gc

Colin directs Ryan, a prisoner in Chip's prison. Wayne attempts to bust Ryan out. Quote unquote. There's a bob fosse in there!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xbwzzj_wa8#

sighhhh. stomach pain.

2008-09-21T20:59:00.004+08:00

(A draft post written immediately after the concert but not continued)
There's a routine we all more or less go thru post-recital. The first few phases involve cleansing and clearing away stuff that have accumulated over time.. remove makeup and hairspray.. wash smelly rehearsal clothes costumes and euw, foot thongs.. packing your room.. i dont know abt yrs but mine is a war zone.. with stuff left on the floor since blast concert :) We also thank the people that provided support and sacrificed time and money and attention to come watch us perform and critique and encourage and just shower hugs.. people we formed relationships with on and off stage.. people who inspired us with choreography, performance, endurance, discipline, patience, and lots of love to go around.. then we finally sit down and reflect if the time was well spent, what the choreography and concert meant to us, how each person in the concert impacted us, what we were doing all these for.

(Continued today)
Yay it's friday! The end of the week after two crazy weeks of dance concerts. Took the week to get back my momentum at work. The weeks before that were like.. super ad hoc, inconsistent, not focused and zero momentum. Negative even. But then as warped logic would have it, the more work i clear, the more work comes my way. darn. but since almost everythin is a do or die situation nowadays, might as well do.

Reflections largely focused around what opportunity costs i incurred in doing these two concerts.. will i finally have time to do other things ? Should mark this as the start of a new phase? Hmm... time to step out of comfort zone again. But this week particularly was focused on catching up with relationships outside of dance that i sacrificed.. theres the midnight brunch group, the blast people grp/RS group, the families... so this weekend theres catch up session for all of them!! wow.. haven had time to lepak on weekends for a long time. was just craving to plop down on a couch and watch a movie or sth. or play taboo. haha.

Ok stuck with the dance mates as well. hahaha. we just had an outing to Raffles city BK and Citylink Pacific Coffee haha .. had a laugh fest with zul-"tellmeaboutthetimewhenyoulostyourtemper?" and "blah blah commensurate" -fikar ali, en-court shoes-"feltlikeF1butgoingat30km/h"-ying, glen-agnesbshutshimup-koh (hehe!), ro-"australia/germany/LA!"-zana, and tau-"chicken-nut-bread"-fik. Eh that pacific coffee joint damn shioK to chill!

Wondering how to keep up the momentum for dance.. but it helps to know that people around me are still keeping up the passion and learning and spreading their enthusiasm to me ! :D

wheeeeeeeeeee weekend !

2008-09-17T17:44:00.002+08:00

theres post concert madness on facebook now. haha.. tag tag !!
trying to get this week over and done with in order to shore up momentum for whats needed at work.. concerts are really damn heavy duty :( and uses up a lot of my precious leave !!

2008-09-16T09:53:00.002+08:00

SUAD 08 is over...... a huge load off the back altho it's not my greatest load really!
I finished my part of it like, a week ago.. haha.. and i trusted that the dancers would bring the choreo tt caleb and i sweated over to life. They sure did.. altho on hindsight i should have pushed them harder. And pushed myself harder in terms of ideas. But.. everyone already looked like they were working so hard for a million other items including ours :(
Nonetheless.. the whole thing ended on a great note for me and many others... blast concert was a blast again!!!!! :) it really is the company.. thanks to the people around me you know who you are.. thanks for being such a sincere fun bunch and for tolerating my nonsense and thanks also to the unfailing support from non dancer people dot melv kum yc who had to tolerate the dancing people haha.. hai..... another year gone . worse thing is im not sure if its the last year or not. we'll see how.

sessions....... coming up agaiN!!

2008-09-10T14:55:00.001+08:00

reh from 7pm-145am on a working weekday... Not funny at all.. im dying g g g

2008-09-01T17:33:00.002+08:00

i still cant believe what we're doin for one of the items for next wave this yr. hahaha.. its so highly ridiculous i cant stop imagining how it'll turn out. and i cant stop laughin during rehs. actually this weekend was overall damn ticklish. it must have sth to do with being entirely wasted after a few runs.

a few more weeks to tahan...

2008-08-29T11:17:00.002+08:00

trying to find time to sort out my thoughts abt dance and why im doing it at all. but haven really got the time.. gotta wait till concert fever ends. and till then.. enjoy whatever shit it brings. this time its so full of rubbish that it kills so much joy in dancing.. and by killing the joy it kills the movements and so like whats the point in doing it at all. past weeks randomly spent trying to rationalise that maybe it doesnt have to be that way and like.. just dance la. be happy theres an outlet for it.

so difficult knowing that you'll lose what you've built up after so many yrs... and once its gone its gone it'll never be the same again leh. :(

2008-08-20T10:09:00.002+08:00

been plagued by a mysteriously troubling feeling over the past few months and finally found the correct way to articulate it. its the issue of freeloaders.. and by default freeloading means that someone doesnt deserve stuff one way or another, so yeah i've kinda discovered my threshold for it. i go away with feelings of disgust.. not exactly the first thing i want to experience cos it just makes me feel damn guilty after that.

and really stressed out now.. because took on more things that i could handle. and yeah i guess another learning experience.. discovered what i can do and what i really can't. so... going to drop a bit of dance. sad. cos i didnt even try hard enough. back to work.

2008-08-13T14:05:00.003+08:00

Some of the worst things i can possibly do now and hate myself forever for it or feel forever guilty:

- stop dancing and reprioritize
- tell a person to shut up and quit whining unconstructively instead of taking the initiative to make things better for oneself and others.. its affecting my well being. no seriously
- fail to live up to expectations at work

i think i just have to make myself numb or sth..

2008-08-12T13:39:00.003+08:00

830am meeting.. whyyy.. whyyyyyyyyy..
hahaha.. but it was a real good one. really intellectually stimulating.. very motivating. really.. life is abt surrounding yrself with the right people. most of the time at least. "right" meaning something that keeps you going positively.

getting a dull ache at the back of the head from the lack of slp... and i used to go for exams without sleeping the night before!!! im old already... shit ! hahaha

Katee and Joshua

2008-08-07T21:01:00.002+08:00

So You Think You Can Dance Season 4 Top 4
Katee and Joshua - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer
Choreography by Wade Robson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L86X-KcFso

Please watch... it's so beautiful.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm trying not to gembeng now.
Love the choreography.. the story told thru their bodies and the amazing amazing piece of music.... the dancers katee and joshua... omg katee.. cant take my eyes off her every move and expression and everything is so natural from her... everything falls into place so nicely.. even the bloody camera angles and lighting !! lol.. i think the audience must have stopped breathing for one and a half minutes.. i did... wade wade wade... makes this one of my most memorable dance pieces for bloody 2008 !?!!!!!! love the concept.. the idea of yes getting back together and surviving.. of it being hard work.. man.................................................

2008-08-05T11:00:00.002+08:00

Had a troubled weekend cos the state of family affairs was far from rosy.. plus people were intruding into my personal space and imposing their ideals on me.. i dont like that at all. but got over it soon enough... was also tired of not being strong enough to defend my points of view.. have issues trying to balance where people are coming from and trying to make them happy as opposed to trying to make myself happy... i dont like to be selfish and i've been selfish in so many ways since forever and having my family sacrifice things for me.. but man.. the way they think is damn illogical sometimes. on the bright side.. if there was no resistance, it would not have reinforced the way i think abt some things.. what i identify with.. and the things and people i want to keep.

Blast is having a third show.. afternoon show is um... weird.. but still worth the money fo shooooooooooooooooooooooo. please come check out the exciting new choreography.. haha.. its definitely more advanced than it was in 2006.. dancers forced to meet the challenge.. and im sure they will.. 6 weeks to concert omg !!

Total of three shows for

Shut Up and Dance: Monsters of Hip Hop
Dance Concert by NUS Dance Blast!

(i) Sat 13 Sept 2pm [matinee]
(ii) Sat 13 Sept 730pm
(iii) Sun 14 Sept 730pm

NUS University Cultural Centre Theatre

Tix at $14 [matinee only] and $16 with prevailing discounts
Check out nusdanceblast.com for more.

On another note, if u're more into jazz and contemporary and weird ass stuff, please watch the annual

The Next Wave
NUS Dance Ensemble

19-20 Sept NUS UCC Hall :) call me for tixxxxxxxxxxxxx they are selling now.

2008-07-31T16:58:00.002+08:00

From Lydia Lim in today's Insight, ST

"Psychologists have found that extrinsic and intrinsic motivation are linked to different modes of behaviour.

The first invites calculativeness, discipline and professionalism.

The second draws out playfulness, conviction, amateurish actions and innovativeness."

Ok today i learnt a new way to describe the state of societal relations in singapore... ha. So extrinsic motivation, no talk. It crowds out the intrinsic motivation you may once have. So what's the solution? Get away for some fresh air ?

2008-07-29T10:49:00.001+08:00

i got a habit of blogging although i have nothing to say.. haha.. anyway after years of procrastinating i finally subscribed to straits times interactive.. yay.. no more dirty hands..
next up... resubscribe for cable tv.. life has been horrible without it..hhaaha... ok not to that extent.. i'll sacrifice sleep to watch axn and discovery!!!! more more more errands and bills coming right up.. damn i hate these things!!

2008-07-28T10:02:00.002+08:00

amazing.. this is the first monday that i actually feel energized and not lethargic!

wOw, let's do it ! :p

I OSO WANT TO GO NEW YORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-25T11:52:00.000+08:00

sick week.. and the busy period has not even begun. seems like a lot more responsibilities coming.. need to reprioritise..

2008-07-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

received call for a show and very happy cos need money. but turns out ...

.. "that's a cruel twist of fate".

not supposed to be dancing for this organisation. hahahhaha. wanted to risk it, then realised that rehearsals clash. blearrrrrrrghh.... no show for me.

btw oyster mee sua rockss sss sss

2008-07-20T02:22:00.002+08:00

Seven years after knowing melvyn liew, i realise he makes a good writer. hahahha.... lets meet up soon.

Which reminds me. Angeline msgs us one morning with an angsty msg: "What do you do when someone calls you fuckface???????"

Several days later.. she was happy to find an answer:

"Testicle cheeks".

Okay !

count blessings

2008-07-19T02:16:00.003+08:00

would like to count my blessings that taufik is alive even though it was only a minor accident..if both vehicles were any faster, someone would have flown off.. if the damage was more severe, one party or the other would likely turn more nasty..claims settling would be less amicable.. insurance premiums would have gone up.. would have needed to get a new bike/car.. greater impact would have hurt his balls further and hurt my future.. havin friends in the hospital meant a faster check up and more dedicated one.. alleviated worries earlier.. understanding bosses and colleagues meant i could easily take time off work to accompany the miserable post-accident person when i was scheduled to have cosy macs breakfast tog with them and then rush out the NOM.. haha.. appreciate how the A&E dept jolted me into remembering that everyday someone is suffering like crazy over really bad luck, bad timing or bad karma.. and making me realise that i will faint if i see blood in any larger amounts coming out of parts of the body that shouldnt be pouring out blood. :( the A&E dept really is a depressing place for me :(

anyways. taufik is fine cos external injuries only. maybe u can send him yr regards directly haha.. but yeah, counting blessings.

2008-07-16T11:49:00.000+08:00

learning.. growing.. stimulation.. the antidote to a meaningless existence and time-wasting..
knowing when to take breaks.. take breathers.. helps you realise what is important to you and what isnt

2008-07-14T11:24:00.002+08:00

damn stoned at work, cant think and cant move. haha..

listening to: c.o.l.o.u.r.s by fonzworth bentley

yes mariel did a choreo to it. can't wait for her to come by together with xxx and yyy and zzz. it's goin to cost a bomb. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????? i have to eat bread from now again.

2008-07-14T00:32:00.002+08:00

collecting tix for NUS Dance Blast concert Shut up and Dance: Monsters of Hip Hop 2008 now!

Date: 13 and 14 Sept, Sat and Sun
Time: i think 730pm
Venue: NUS University Cultural Centre, Theatre (small theatre, i.e. tix are selling out fast)
Ticket price: $13.60 for NUS students, $16 for normal priced tix

im choreographing a piece with caleb and dancing in one or two others. taufik calvin xiao joo teng idil ahmad erwin lina rebecca and of course patrick loo also choreographing, plus guest items. pls come and order tix from me now!

Dance and dancers

2008-07-13T02:22:00.005+08:00

Watchin youtube for homework. Enlightened as always by the user comments.

On tricia miranda's class:

User A
"Good dancing but they need to work on synchronizing their moves it was kinda all over the place"

Tricia:
"This wasn't a rehearsal, this was a class so it wasn't about bein together, it was about who was killin the choreography in the 45 min they had to learn it."

I do remember feelin like crap in US when the dancers arn me were killin the moves, interpreting it for themselves, and still looked together !! No one was sweating over the small stuff cos they understood movement and their own bodies so well. They (the major majority) could execute anything after a few tries. I'm sure mad sharp observation and being used to the styles over there helped, but still, they are crazy individuals!!!

Hung out with roz calvin raz fik after the show yest.. loved the late nite supper and the crow story, hahahha. Wanna say a big sorry to the entire group incl ying huan for being so unprofessional throughout this show.. just was not sporting enough to do certain things, and i simply wasnt professional from day 1 reh onwards. mmm... thinking twice abt doing certain shows instead of wasting peoples time and my own time cos the end result was not good at all, and this is just not sustainable, esp not if its someone else's rice bowl. and this event really reinforced my understanding of how unfit i am to dance for money since i'm so unwilling to do so many things. have to continue along the lines of juggling this hobby with another livelihood then. thanks again to calvin and roz for setting up the choreo costumes and all other work :)

Attended tech class after a long break. forgot the knee guard, felt totally insecure without it. and totally cannot do anything now with or without kneeguard ahhahahhaa. die!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wonder what zaki's gonna do. can't wait. i oso can't wait for zaini's to begin cos i lovvvve doo doo doo (ok guys the song has a proper title.. hahahah.. and its 46 years old! wow). at dinner, hung out with the funniest people in ensemble. ok really, ensemble has so many characters; everyone's interesting. we had botak jones. after that, small steff, ali, glen and myself went to u.d.d.e.r.s @ novena goldhill plaza for some fab ice cream and a (NEVERending) game of Chutes and Ladders. my god it turned from a nice family game that "rewards nice children and punishes naughty ones" - complete with 1940s pictures of cherubic children being wonderful kids (e.g. reading books, gardening, helping old people, etc) - to "fuck la chee bye i been down that chute at least 3 times!!" (ali). hahahhaha. and we added to the list of ice cream flavours that we'd like u.d.d.e.r.s. to try: ipoh hor fun. hahahhaha. nice one glen. other people listed strawberry cheesecake (one of the top few choices), tim tam vanilla, whatever whatever. some others listed char kuay tiao, tiger beer, big mac flavour. wtf???? ahhahaha. these are the real born and bred singaporeans boy. anyways, you gotta try u.d.d.e.r.s' rum & raisin, kopi c, and mmm... the damn power durian flavour mao shan wang. my top three choices there :)

Die. Tomorrow is Sunday, which means its my rehearsal day. And i dont know what to do yet!!!!!!!!! And the knee is not getting any better but an MRI will cost so much :( and the heels are not helping, according to dr fik. howwwwww howwwwwwww.

Hot hot Rino and Maryss - Nasty Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ygbKCV5BQk&feature=related
Hot hot hot Kenny. watching him makes me smile. like a goofy smile. hahahahaaaaaaaaa
he like nasty girl. mmm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFZ6NHFffYw&feature=user
MORE Kenny & Nick Bass in a really wow video edit. v suaku never see before! v nice!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBQni6bWgsM&feature=user
Kenny again and Trent X)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXITXzuENO4&NR=1

2008-07-09T15:40:00.001+08:00

i dont know why the fuck im doing some things at work

hip hop linguistics

2008-07-08T17:01:00.001+08:00

On Hip Hop Linguistics:
http://hiphoparchive.org/lx/vocab-fundamentals/

For a more fun way to understand hip hop lingo, i highly recommend urbandictionary.com. haha.. it's hilarious.

2008-07-08T13:33:00.003+08:00

ok great met a soci classmate (the one who works with big bro) and went to say hi, only to be laughed at for being in corporate wear. has it only been one year ago??? happy convo anniversary.. it was 070708.. happy graduation to the new batches.. happy working your asses off from now on.. join the club!

2008-07-08T00:03:00.003+08:00

Listening to Miss Badu and rediscovering her again and again and again. Helps to have very enlightening and contextual information from music reviewers out there who did their homework.. loved soul and neo-soul all along and am glad that it still applies and still sounds relevant and that people are still producing them..so i have amazing stuff to listen to on the ipod :D the themes the rhymes the beats i dont know how come they are so compelling to me/us even though i'm/we're this yellow middle-class citizen of this semi-authoritarian little island half a world away from where some of the deepest shit has been happening. yes i find it v strange indeed. anyhow, pls take a listen to the songs on New Amerykah by Erykah Badu on youtube or sth.. i especially love Twinkle, Soldier, The Healer, and of course Honeyy. She came before everyone else!!! You gotta love her :)

Useful reviews:
http://tinymixtapes.com/Erykah-Badu
http://www.cokemachineglow.com/record_review/3289/erykah-badu
http://artofrhyme.com/reviews/Erykah-Badu_New-Amerykah/89/
http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/discography/index.jsp?pid=172222&aid=1104184
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/release/26gb/
http://www.rapreviews.com/archive/2008_03_newamerykah1.html

and more.

On a completely diff note, while listening to badu on youtube, i was led to Misia, japanese singer. And i remember hearing her piece "Everything" while i was a 93.3fm fan :D love this song!!!!! gotta love youtube.

Monday is over, meaning less time to complete work. DIe!!!!!

colleague

2008-07-04T14:08:00.004+08:00

i am so fucking pissed off by a colleague's lack of responsibility towards his staff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i dont know how more superficial can some of the tactics get.

and, ignorance is not bliss. ignorance is stupidity. stupidity is not an excuse. it's a bloody choice, and not a good one.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday Blues

2008-07-01T10:01:00.002+08:00

Ok.. i've got tuesday blues. i foresee wed thurs fri blues too. haha. feelin a bit suffocated here. it's difficult to see through to some crazy ideas without being questioned at almost every step of the way. it's not normal to want to be normal!

shut up and dance 2008

2008-06-28T02:48:00.003+08:00

hmm.. taking part in three collabos for shut up and dance 2008. choreographing one with caleb, dancing for the calvin/taufik collabo, and decided to engage in the alumni item as well, finally.. hahaha. thats some kinda journey for us right. from observing to dancing to finally deciding how we should do things together.

i dont know why but at this very moment i'm also sweating over saving money for house, transport, kids, holidays. My Singaporean subconscious is protesting !!!! Not to mention the biological clock. And the parents clock.

it's almost one year since convocation date 070707. whewwwwwwwww. we're still alive :D and the soci people are gonna gather on hopefully at chua's on 050708!!!!!!!! yippeeee :p

3rd anniversary

2008-06-22T15:39:00.002+08:00

It's the World Cities Summit this coming week! I hope i dont get any nasty surprises.....!

And today marks the third year with the man. I cannot believe it's already three years. At the same time, it's only three years. So much more to come and i'm really scared. but yes let's just take it on :)

2008-06-15T03:45:00.002+08:00

wow. watchin him "make love to the piano" is an inspiring moment. haha. mark of a true artist.. dedication and soul and a million other little things!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8-KyL2gMxV8&feature=related
wish i learned how to understand the piano and the whole culture way before this ! i'm so missing out!

contemp ballet

2008-06-15T01:37:00.003+08:00

wow super inspired after watchin Continuum. So major inspired by the last piece by Jorma Elo.. so hauntingly beautiful. will Never ever be able to do anything like that hahaha. picked out my fave dancers from the bunch too. can u believe it its my first sdt concert hahaha.. well theres always a first time. loved mr sweaty guy - yeah well.. theres a mark of a hardworkin dancer hahhaha.. alrite just joking. and loved ms stage presence.. she has these eyes that speak !!! through the vast hall! amazing. i loved many of the girls and i think the solos in the Jorma piece took them to another level compared to what they had to do for the first two. maybe its the more contemp forms that allowed it. im not so sure abt what im talkin abt but heeding suli's advice, will be checkin out the contemp ballet classes cos it's long overdue that i took a back-to-basics class.. ecnad anyone? ok that said, i was still glued to the first item even tho it didnt receive great reviews.. it was enuf to just watch the dancers turn kick jump float.. minus the untidy partnerwork.. but im sure i cant do those properly either. really blinded by the second item hahaha but still very glued to it it was such a refreshin feel and yes i am totally convinced by what david had to say abt the piece in the post-show dialogue. anyone can say such total bullcrap but in the context of these amazing dancers and the amazing choreo, i totally believe it. he said the piece was abt portrayin the nirvana [sic] that dancers get when they perform a movement to.. what did he say.. something along the lines of performing a movement to perfection.. with a lot of soul, conveyin what the movement was made to convey.. a kind of purity.

[edit: ah, it can be called "cerebral dancing". http://www.singaporedancetheatre.com/performance/2008/artsfest.asp]

A lady from the audience then asked the question, how do you inspire yr dancers to reach that kinda state? do u do some exercises or something? And he said "if it was only that easy". haha.. it was more about pushing the dancers to the extreme so that they Can reach that stage. damn my memory fails me. i'll put up exactly what he said when i consult my companion to the show haha. in any case, the real enlightenin msg i got was that half-assed efforts dont get you anywhere. u just have to dance with discipline and conviction and u have to share that among the entire cast. this is nothin surprising.. nothing new. but we need reminders now and then. we're forgetful people.

anyways, excited abt planning shut up and dance. my partner in crime is mr fung and its nice bouncing ideas back and forth. and i'm doin my youtube research right now - i love youtube!!!! hahaha.. i can find all the 1990s songs i want and more! and get ideas from all the related vids. amazing shit. im also super excited abt all the other items. taufik and calvin are goin to do their thing together and age limit or not, i wanna do hahahaha.

the theme running in my head now in the most general of general terms is: breaking boundaries. idunno why i've always been fascinated by this idea and since when. its definitely sth thats applicable to just any situation and maybe its just the gemini part of me haha. we grow up with horoscopes.. so interesting. readin it religiously altho theres no god or anything to worship. we do worship ourselves.anw i tried to stop myself from believing in horoscopes after i realised the meaning of monotheism. well i'm still searching for my One true god, if any, so i suppose theres still space for me to go back to horoscopes once in a while since those were fed to me in my impressionable years haha. long lasting impressions. well anw, the concept of breaking boundaries in my head has always been a constructive one, paradoxically. forcing oneself to break boundaries actually motivates one to create more, construct more, think more, open up more, be more accepting, and link things up together without destroying the worth of anything. boundaries are organically formed, but they shud never be static. in the most unfortunate of cases though, gettin people to think abt breakin boundaries actually creates the reverse effect of pigeonholing their thoughts and well, concretizing the essentialist ideas that they may wish to protect and remain in comfort zone about. and u find yrself fighting an enemy you can never reach thereafter. sorry.. haha.. i noe people hate reading blogs that ramble abt private things. this is another thinkin exercise la just ignore me :)

so.. excited! the adrenaline of havin to balance work and research and this concert and that for the longer term goal of being more adept at diff things.. whew. can't wait!

listening to: philip glass - tirol concerto movement II

2008-06-13T15:19:00.002+08:00

it's june already?????????
i thought we just celebrated chinese new year and i thought i just graduated from school. and i thought im still new to what im doing and i thought i still have alot of time to save money.

oh man.. and next few months look crazy at work. june got major event.. july and aug got lots of liaising to do and think it'll stretch to sept at least..on top of that got regular work to do.. hmmmmmmmmmmm... and doin shut up and dance as well as next wave.. need to prioritise!!

2008-06-09T13:41:00.002+08:00

Spent the weekend laughin hysterically over Whose Line on Youtube... love love love the Props and Scenes from a Hat especially. And some singing styles.. hahaha... wayne rockss.. he did one celebrity deathmatch: michael jackson vs james brown - spot on impersonation!! and many others.. just watch Everything!

Also watched Kung Fu Panda.. which was way funnier than i expected haha.. and i really cant wait for ZOHANN.............. -run run run run run run..- what do we do without adam sandlers of the world :(

work is such a bitch but im still compelled to continue in this line.. thats a good sign!

18th birthday

2008-06-05T12:41:00.002+08:00

i dont remember the last time i had two birthday cakes in one day.. so by that standard my bday this year is quite happening :D the blast people still tried to surprise me and i guess they did. hahahhaha... minus any cardiac arrests from people scaring the shit out of me in my own room. this time they appeared in somerset starbucks instead, where taufik tricked me into going to. haha.. i lOVE the two cakes i had - one emicakes tiramisu cheesecake birthday cake and one carousel gourmet cake that was all fudgy and crunchy goodness. Mm. present or not, i still am very grateful that people bothered to do something on my bday - i noe sometimes i irritate you guys but you still love me ! ahhahhhaha... but got present then bonus la! i managed to force my bf to come up with a surprise! HAHHAH. yayy success :P and we got tix to an arts fest show! :D then my dear pals from the office got me a bodyshop makeup bag and a complimentary brush hahah....NICE work trying to surprise me in the office. Ill project management, but totally appreciated, HAHAHA. Try again next year babeeessssss..

thanks also to all for all the birthday greetings... :D :D :D doesnt mean i'll accept the fact that i just turned 18..

ex

2008-06-04T11:32:00.002+08:00

aiyah damn sian. when an ex-bf you don't really feel like seeing adds you on facebook, what does it mean ah? that the chapter never happened issit? honestly nothing matters more than what i have now cos i really can't ask for anything better.. i'd really die if i dont have whats in my life now. but hor.. theres just this nagging irritating feeling about that unpleasant experience that makes me think twice about it ley. hahah.. ok la can la can talk to him already. for how many years longer can i feel irritated man.

2008-06-04T10:13:00.001+08:00

mary had a little lamb is now linked to me :D

Candy Got Punked

2008-06-03T15:33:00.000+08:00

Candy got punked
:(
stuff i've been working on for a whole day got lost somewhere. RAM stick dont have, computer dont have. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

testing assumptions

2008-06-02T13:44:00.002+08:00

once in a while i forget that i've been totally brainwashed by the courses i did in uni and am totally unapologetic about. and i forget that the people around me do not and should not all think alike.. but i'm still disturbed when simple assumptions about sex race gender nationality yada yada go untested and unprovoked in the daily grind and i'm torn between trying to let people be themselves vs trying to change their minds about some assumptions.. e.g. sex is bad races are inherently different genders are only classified into two natural types people have inherently different rights on different sides of invisible national borders yada yada..... i think we become intolerant as a result of being educated in this way. like where's the line between having a personal worldview about something and which you think it's the best one, vs trying to impose it on other people because you think it's the best one. bears some kind of resemblance to fundamentalist thinking eh. its hard to find the balance man, especially with the irony in how education is supposed to liberate and not enclose upon individuals. still i highly recommend that everyone picks up a sociology (or at least any other social science) book 101 and internalise the principle that we should always look beyond the face value and test our own assumptions before according sweeping statements and judgments onto almost anyone but your self.

good monday.. it's another work week (for the non-teachers!!!!!!!!!)

Blogs

2008-05-28T11:45:00.001+08:00

On blogging:
http://www.cognitive-edge.com/blogs/dave/2007/02/huberts_error.php

2008-05-28T10:11:00.002+08:00

I discovered the following through rehearsals for Momentum 2008:

1. Really enjoyed watchin the nra item; missed the crazy children one yesterday
2. Jiexiao doesn't know how to roll his eyes.
3. Ali does a mean Snoop Dogg impersonation and Taufik makes a good Timbaland. :D

Listening to: Janet Jackson - Rock With You

2008-05-27T16:20:00.006+08:00

At age 24 (drats, brings to mind the reminder that Snowden sounded about numbers NOT being objective - i feel it now), i'm still learning ever so slowly about my ministers and PS's and the state functions.. and still reading conflicting opinions about the good and bad of having rules and regulations e.g. in governing a country.. so far i only have one definition for good or bad when we're talking about being ruled or regulated.. good if you're excluded from the system, and just too bad if you're forced into one.

Doesn't speak very well about how politically engaged i am, despite being a fan of sartre and trying to make something worthwhile out of my minion living. Okay but after thinking a bit more about it, i decide that when we try and finger point our little islanders for having certain laws/policies/norms/unwritten rules - which we so enjoy doing - we have to remember to (not stop doing that, but) back them up better by thinking more deeply about some assumptions behind these ideas: do they discriminate unfairly? were they decided by a small homogeneous minority? what untrue assumptions do they take at face value about the identities of some people? are they tested? who is counter-watching? [and, does the sum of all these bear any weight beside dollar counting? should it? really, it doesn't matter if it can bear any weight or not. the more important thing is that i get reassurance from you that you believe 100% in how people should bear more weight than paper. Any less and i'll be more than a bit disconcerted. :( ]

Thoughts about these should eliminate one unnecessary and even harmful law/policy/norm after another, leaving only a few, i dare say, universal ones. Universal in time and place as applied to the basic human condition, rather than being swayed by short-sighted cultural and political sensitivities that do not actually make any sense. in order words, my ideal world comprises a hell lot less official word on one thing or another, and more unofficial yet undiscriminated understanding on many dimensions of one thing or another. extremely idealistic, extremely undeveloped understanding here.. so please go visit the relevant book sections for better descriptions and arguments..

Today, i'm just tired of having to rehearse again in my mind the invalid reasons behind why some people do not let other people be who they are.. why we cannot assume things about people (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/7420798.stm).. and the ironies about language systems and rule structures that simultaneously constrain and liberate us: with these systems, we develop one track minds and easily forget how to think otherwise; without these systems, we remain unprotected and unable to go beyond fearing for our basic needs.

In my current situation, i'm still tolerating some things about my family members and colleagues on similar concerns like how to get them to let me be who i am and what i identify with, how to not let some people get away with not living up to their authorized position, etc. These people are senior to me and get some degree of respect from me but somehow i'm not getting the things i want from them. it means having to take effort to seek role models outside of these people whom we wanted to make role models out of, but could not. it's just disappointing to see that it's not happening.

I stick to sartre's (earlier?) principles about being condemned to be free and how the responsibility lies on the individual. And i shamefully know that tomorrow i will wake up again performing the same routine of dreading getting out of bed at 7ish 8 and draggin my ass to work, stuck in the mrt with ten thousand other similarly stoned people. But okay i also know that i have to stop rolling my eyes when i think about certain obligations because i chose to commit. so yeah.. at the very least, this blogging exercise relieved some eye muscle work. plus i'm not a saint, so this exercise helps me remember the right things and hopefully practise them.

2008-05-26T18:15:00.002+08:00

Say guys: my birthday is coming.. i dont need presents cos i'm just so fabulous. But i have a mother huge craving for En Japanese Dining Bar @ Mohamed Sultan: http://yum.sg/restaurants/en_japanese_dining_bar_mohamed_sultan/. I don't mind a gathering there with any group of friends (non-halal restaurant though)!

2008-05-26T17:47:00.003+08:00

Doing Breakin' Dishes yesterday did much to contribute to my stiff neck today :(
But thank god for youtube and talented people who can learn choreo from videos and share for the sake of practice :D

Another thing i love about youtube.. it teaches life lessons about how to criticize constructively and how stupid and obvious it is (to everyone else but yourself) to hate for the sake of being a hater. and it's also interesting how social norms find a way to apply themselves to an unregulated domain.

And i'm damn hungry now can't wait for dinner. :D Next four days are looking like crap.. hahaha.. only because it means rushing down during peak hour for night rehearsals at this ulu venue called republic poly.. hahaha.. oh well.. hope the concert is fun.. lookin forward to a few items.. see how "voosh" they are.. read: X number of flybars [sic].. haha.

Dave Snowden

2008-05-26T14:46:00.003+08:00

Attended Dave Snowden's talks recently and found a nice mix of insight in management science and social science.. makes daily corporate living much more stimulating.

He's a humorous guy and you can read more about what he represents, here:
http://www.cognitive-edge.com/blogs/dave/

I miss school :(

SYTYCD 4 not quitting dance

2008-05-25T02:53:00.002+08:00

had so much fun at the mini TLC with enying (thanks for the lovelyyyyyy moshi and red bean/chestnut cakes from japan!! i'm in love with japan already) jess roz fik and glen (whom i'm so jealous abt cos he saw Luam AND the beautiful niagara falls).. we talked abt how to get from Tokyo to Osaka in a sec, how to cover up noises in the japanese toilets, and how to bathe in a cramped japanese toilet. hahaha. and bugis breko was damn nice to not chase us out even tho we stayed there eating our little munchies and not ordering anymore of their food. they even kept refilling our glasses. kudos for great service!

sigh.. watched Ep. 1 of SYTYCD 4 and it reminded me again of just how good these people are! then i think to myself if i'm not ever gonna be as good as these people, why the heck am i dancing still. then i figure it's just stupid to stop dancing because you compete and compare against others and find that you're not up to par. and then i figure it's better to remind myself why people dance in the first place. that it is so liberating to move with a piece of music you are inspired by - especially with people you are comfortable and have fun with on stage. and to top it off, dancers are exhibitionists who get to do their thing and elicit something from the audience. When the right chemistry works, it's just crazy. when the dance sucks you just go home and cry lo.

so yeah it's back to square one.. .. damn it's always like that. haha. so yeah.. the cliche "think positive thoughts" actually translates to sth very realistic like reminding yourself that people do things to give themselves an experience you won't otherwise get if you stop doing these things.. and by the time u quit and lose the momentum it's too late to regret. it's all good as long as you dont get all caught up with trying to be number one all the time or delude yrself into thinking you're the undiscovered talent and get all bitter about it (read: the people who auditioned for sytycd and do not really know the definition of competitive dance).. should not allow one or two or three people to determine the rest of your life. it might be more important to figure out where you would actually best fit in as a dancer. there are plenty of roles and forms to play with. teacher choreographer therapist studio owner propagandist behind the scenes.. try all the different genres forms countries religious branches of dance.. at 20plus, it's best to experiment crazily cos there just isnt enough time left. not a professional dancer but already feeling worn out in the knees and whatnot. maybe the only common thing dancers should have is a sense of discipline. (cue janet, again..)

one last thought abt not quitting yet.. all these emo thoughts will actually account for nothing when you get to 85. at that kinda age, when you look back at what you did with your life, you'll actually only remember that you were brave enough to venture into this and that and this.. and you'll definitely remember the good stuff more than the bad. the friends you made, the signature pieces you were a part of, the suppers, cheesy little things like that. it really isn't the time to make stupid decisions. like who wants to grow to be a bitter old lady doing nothing but cursing in her worn out seat?

Gay Marriage

2008-05-16T11:03:00.002+08:00

California Court Affirms Right to Gay Marriage
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/16/us/16marriage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=us

Congrats to the 110,000 couples in Cali and more! :) Let's hope the decision will not be overturned before becoming effective. It'll be a real shame.

Now i remember why i loved rumi.. theres such a nice flow in the choreo and the music is so haunting. Hmm sway....
hahahaa.. ok i just find it troublesome to look for costume again after returning everythin. oh well. think the concert will be fun after all.. can watch other items..

People, come and watch?

Republic Poly Dance Fest: "MOMENTUM 2008"
Date: Wed and Thu, 28 and 29 May 2008
Time: 8PM
Tix: $10 cheap cheap [sic]
Venue: Republic Poly Cultural Centre, Theatre
Performing Grps:

NUS Dance Ensemble
SMU InDanCity
Ngee Ann Poly NRA
Ryan Tan's Crazy Children
Hwa Chong Institution (College section)
St Andrew's JC
Greenridge Sec Sch
Tanglin Sec Sch
Dance Spectrum Int'l
Republic Poly

Facebook Events for Momentum 2008 says "Please call Felicia at +65 8230 8380 or email us at trcc_events@rp.sg."
So please do :)

candysingapore

2008-05-14T20:55:00.002+08:00

got myself a new youtube account at candysingapore and its undergoing housekeeping.. hope this will help me diligently maintain it hahaha.. shall QC very strictly the vids that go into My Favourites !

Ok almost final:

Friday 7pm till late: Rozminah's place for TLC..theres gonna be food cooked by our aspiring homemaker/SPG.. no.. not ironic at all in rozana's case hahhaha.. might collect funds to offset the groceries that go into the cooking ok but that will depend on the turnout and stuff. Do bring your own drinks and junk to help out with the preparation. RSVP to my hp if you've received the msg but have been too much of a bloody bum to reply (get off your ass!)

Sunday 7pm-9pm: Sessioning as usual at the People's. RSVP too!

Dear xiao.. sorry about friday- it has the majority vote :(

sick

2008-05-14T17:11:00.002+08:00

feel damn weak when i gotta visit the doctor. and i really suck at keepin up with antibiotics.

that aside, think i shud realy reconsider the types of dance events im doing.... keep blanking out for no reason!!!! man.. shit. :( rehearsals go fine and then it happens when its not supposed to.. sian. eh suntec dance is around the corner tho. anyone interested in a stress-free, easy-rehearsal, once-a-week commitment? haha.. that sounds damn unrealistic.

Reminder: TLC at cikgu roz's. Changing from fri to sun. to be confirmed again.

time to nap. the brain feels damn congested.

2008-05-12T11:15:00.002+08:00

gotta be grateful for the rather smooth-sailing path so far. boss really makes a difference. he made all the difference really.. counting blessings.

weekend of dance and really sucked at it.. haha.. shit!

quotes

2008-05-07T17:12:00.000+08:00

my quote for the day:

"Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time."-- Edward L. Bernays

Risk-Taking

2008-05-06T15:07:00.002+08:00

Chasing away the tuesday blues with a new motto for risk-taking (aside from the "WOW! Let's do it!" derived from the sessioning hahah).. and that is:

"won't die one, lah."

meaningless

2008-05-06T10:05:00.002+08:00

met up with chee chong kumar and dot yesterday to catch up with chee chong.. last we saw him was what, 3 yrs ago? even then he was flying regularly already. haha.. so amazed by him and his whole foray into business. wonder where he'll be in two years time.

the dinner and post dinner conversations with dot tend to come back to the same things....

what the hell are we doing!?!!!

where will i be in two years time... having a baby already? being better in something? still being mediocre? mediocrity and lack of outstanding talent really bites. there must be something that diligence can make up for. is there time and money for it? must there be money in it? am i able to get family support for it.. am i responsible for payin back to the family already? do i have the balls? having just too many options and hearing too many diff types of stories.. some bold and foring their own paths.. some climbing the corporate ladder.. many stuck in between.. dot probably hit the nail on the head when she mentioned opportunity cost.. how do we weigh the opportunity cost of doing one thing against another..theres just not that much time left to decide ya. gotta look back and decide in less than a year's time how to do myself a favour.

Adrenaline

2008-05-05T10:23:00.003+08:00

Unheard song playin in my head: Robin thicke's Lost without you.. cos i dont have my ipod or earphones with me today. hahha.. lame.. taking the mrt becomes quite tormenting without the musical distractions..work is not so bad.. can listen to LAUNCHcast on yahoo.. and get to check out new songs :p

Yes as roz and i conversed, im still on yesterday's adrenaline.. sessioning and TLC on sunday nights are not such a bad thing after all.. they keep away the monday blues yeahh.. :D

2008-05-02T17:38:00.001+08:00

Weekend is here again!!!!!

Hip Hop and Philosophy: Rhyme 2 Reason

2008-05-02T10:35:00.002+08:00

Came across this book on Hip Hop and Philosophy: Rhyme 2 Reason written and compiled by profs of philosophy from across the US. Haha.. the pop culture and philosophy series is nothing new.. actually quite gimmicky. But i think i will give this one a shot and write a review on it after im done..

ANYONE GOT BOOK DISCOUNT???????? *chinese*

Edit: Someone who already has some thoughts about it. http://hiphoparchive.org/thecircle/2006/07/15/hip-hop-philosophy-rhyme-2-reason-book-review/

2008-04-28T12:00:00.002+08:00

I receive these cute little inspirational quotes everyday in my email cos i subscribed to them.. they can be a little cheesy but everyone needs a gentle reminder once in a while, yeah? You can subscribe for free here: http://famous-quotes-quotations.com/quote.html

I really like these recent ones:

"Ability is what you're capable of, motivation determines what you do, attitude determines how well you do it."-- Lou Holtz

"Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles; they toughen and make strong."-- Norman Vincent Peale

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."-- George Eliot

These help me get up from having been miserable and demoralised from attending classes in the US but that feeling was to be expected, of course :P and yes im so not showing u videos of myself there, hahah! taufik will gladly show u his :p

LA SAN FRAN

2008-04-28T10:36:00.003+08:00

hello world. i is baccck!!!! had the best trip of my life. loved san francisco and the 4-min self-service car wash in LA. hahhaha.. of course theres more to update but its like the cutest thing i saw for some time so i had to mention it first. we washed off lots of bees that we killed along central coast :( but had a much better ride after that - fo shooo. "keep america beautiful - drive clean cars" was its tag line.

you guys missed mee?? awwwwwwwwww.

i know caleb misses me the most cos i owe him and all u other people lots of things. hahahhaa

will be sharing/uploading the following:

1) impromptu interview with buddha stretch of mop top (cos he dropped into san frans funkanometry company class for a workshop - and i did my first hip hop across the floor)
2) a shoutout from gigi torres (cos she dropped into lyle beniga's class for an impromptu co-shared class - woots!!)
3) some good ol advice from lyle beniga (whose class was the last one we took and it ended things perfectly; btw zaihar and lyle beniga look damn alike)

learnt from the following:
1) brooklyn (crazy)
2) buddha stretch (crazy)
3) shane (crazy)
4) jaffar (crazy)
5) jig (loved him; crazy)
6) tony czar x 2 (loved him he was the nicest)
7) bobby (crazy)
8) tucker (crazy)
9) kenec (nice guy)
10) lyle & gigi (crazycrazy)
11) matt cady (crazy guy)

yes jennifer pre-empted me that jp wasnt gona be there cos hes gone to her side, boohoo! so im not as disappointed but i'm still sore! but still hope u're havin a great time girl! also met mikey disco who said he loved singapore and might be back. i feel terribly embarrassed for having missed his class here but ok i better try out some house classes First before i trip over myself in further embarrassment.

i think san fran needs a singapore food stall. next three years shall be spent planning this. we really really loved san fran and goin back to LA was difficult. haha. loved central coast too. nearly died peeking down the cliffs.

sharing this sunday?

thanks to my companion for making this trip beautiful. :D and to the family for giving me the opportunity too, for they postponed their chance to go with me cos of my dance itinerary. :(

LA SAN FRAN

2008-04-15T13:16:00.002+08:00

omg omg the day came a bit too fast now im actually Scared of goin on the trip hahhaha
im scared it wont live up to my expectations!
*consciously trying not to expect anything out of it now*

and haven gotten enuf sleep cos too excited abt it. plus spent alot of time packing luggage. cos have to make sure i look nice ma, hor? hahahaha. hope to do lots of shopping there.. tho i'm quite doubtful abt the sizes they have for me, kwa kwa... nvm.. trendy to wear bigbig anyway.. haha..

oh oh oh ! i'm a big convert to ZIPLOCKS!! i ziplocked EVERYTHING in my luggage!!!!!!!! damn fun.. hahhaa... try it..

Savetheinternet.com

2008-04-07T10:30:00.001+08:00

Savetheinternet.com, people.

In other news, here's an update on calvin's transgender pregnancy story.
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN0337888820080403?pageNumber=3&virtualBrandChannel=0&sp=true

Woh woh! *bunifa*

dance

2008-04-03T15:01:00.004+08:00

omg.. almost one year since i started full time work (instead of getting the opportunity to happily bum around, sian, hahahha).. learnt a lot this past year..especially after looking outwards from my own department.. putting things into perspective.. seeing how the more seasoned young and talented officers (ok.. public service employees are called 'officers' - hmm) are working as opposed to the more old school ones.. and seeing how bureaucracy manifests its ugly self.. how inefficient or lazy workers who prefer to pass the buck affects co-workers so negatively.. and people who refuse to change with the times or exercise some kind of ethical behaviour.. ok actually i dont have the best work ethic. but i do have a guilty conscience that regulates my behaviour like a thermostat. :) ok mental note to self.. my kid has to be way more self-disciplined that this ! giving dance a miss tonight cos of bday dinner.. hope saturday can still go for ann's class tho! sunday another sharing :)

liking the lyrics from alicia keys' Lesson Learned:
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so I called it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

erica michelle sobol

2008-04-02T03:11:00.002+08:00

i love erica michelle sobol and her amazing dancers
here's one of her pieces; really reminiscent of the recent schiz item hehee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByGGFhNSHao&NR=1

stayed up to watch some webcast. mum's up with me with nice cup noodles and chilled pepsi. mum rocks. cup noodles rock too :D they comin wit me to LA. mum and fam goin on their own trip cos i excluded them on this dance trip. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. cos it just ain't economical (neither is it romantic).

thanks pat for the class.. your heart went out to us indeed. i was damn shocked when i walked in 20min late (cos taufik's hairstylist took a bit too long). I thought ten min do warm up then next ten min maybe learn like 8 counts. They learnt like 20 eights lah!!!!!! and met some real nice old faces not old old but old from the past old like adriene and good ol winnie :D and of course other real old ones like yifan. ahahha. these and the rest in the class are the people i worshipped and still continue to worship and am inspired by cos they work and dance like nobody's business. cos it really is nobody's business but yr own! *have to minimize whining*

April Fool's

2008-04-01T17:12:00.002+08:00

Went for lyrical jazz and now my unused inner thighs are aching like mad, making me walk like i got two balls btw my legs. No seriously. hahhaha. I should be doing these exercises on my own.. wheres the discipline !! *cue janet once again*

Anyway feeling really demoralised cos i dont know what to make out of my pseudo-jazz training for the past 3 years. It's pseudo cos its just not up to standard la. Neither is my commitment to other forms.. aiyah same situation as calvin. Very half-baked. How, brown cow? I know i'll come back from LA/SF feeling ten times worse.. hahahha.. well maybe that's where i'll get the push factor from. Hopefully, maybe, depends how i survive. Definitely will push the panic button. Speaking of LA, i'm really really afraid of this: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/01/BA4HVTH2J.DTL. I don't want to die!!!

I'm not going to talk to tan kiat hau for..i dont know how long- maybe until i see him again in person.. because you tan kiat hau *point finger in your face* - you idiot you - punked me!!! Real bad! hahhahaha...the full story shall not be repeated here because (i) why would i want to look like an idiot again (ii) i don't want to give jiexiao too much credit. NO! Happy april fool's nonetheless. Candy got punked.

Listening more intently to: Alicia Keys

Khong Guan

2008-03-31T11:02:00.002+08:00

i love khong guan with coffee/milo in the mornings!!

i also love sharing sessions haha makes me feel active invigorated and always thought-provoking :p

1st session: caleb (lie about us), candy (beep me 911)
2nd session: calvin (steam), calvin (dangerously in love), caleb (with you)
3rd session: taufik (cocaine), calvin (low)
4th session: candy (knock knock), ahmad (this chick that chick.. eh whats the song title ah?)
5th session: jeng jeng jeng........... ahmad and caleb i think but TBC... patrick is on the agenda but not choreographing. for once, hahaha. stress!

will load the vids when i figure out how to use my camera ok? hahahha
song is on the way. thanks for coming to learn my choreo okk. feedback on areas for improvements in choreography and teaching and transitions and whatever most welcome. *cue janet jackson and the cereals*

Tiger Tan

2008-03-28T18:55:00.002+08:00

Guess what i found!! http://eds.e-walrus.net/
EDS website.. hahahhaha.. i feel so funny reading about this new batch of students, having come from several batches before that. And during our time, we did not have:
1. A VISION/ACTION PLAN - who the heck thinks abt that in sec 1?????? we just wanna gather at the canteen benches on saturday mornings to laugh at scouts running around.
2. news feeds - we didnt even have many pictures together. do we Have pictures together ?? in that ugly yellow/navy blue dustin-coloured polo tee? or at dawn's house practising justin timberlake's byebyebye? gulp.
3. too much professionalism in dance and most of all we did not train twice a week for three hours each.
4. that ridiculous cartoon icon for an EDS logo. not that the previous one was any better..

But we did have: The Dead Man's Play!!!! Done and redone to death! oh man. Memories. http://drama-society.blogspot.com/ So cool, they even got blog. you lucky young punks you. unfortunately, you do not breathe nice east-side sea breeze from tanjong rhu anymore. that has to be one of the best things ever abt goin to dhs.. sigh.

For other dunmanians, check out http://www.dhs.moe.edu.sg/ > Milestones. Oh and we still see Mr Kiw's mug here and there. :p i miss my art teacher the most somehow. hes damn endearing in an irritating way. tiger tan where are u!

Sovereign Wealth Funds

2008-03-28T15:13:00.002+08:00

An excerpt from Foreign Policy Magazine Dec 2007:

"Certain international reserves are always needed, and exporters of commodities with highly fluctuating prices require larger reserves as a safety net. However, sovereign wealth funds are something different. They reflect a paternalistic—and economically illiterate—notion that the ruler knows best while citizens are so irresponsible that they cannot be entrusted with their own savings. It would be more economical and democratic to cut taxes and let citizens save and invest themselves.
Editor’s Note: The original version of this article characterized Singapore’s rulers as “unelected.” Technically speaking, they are elected, but neither freely nor fairly. Freedom House rates Singapore as only “partly free.” "

Read full article here: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4056

Bringing clothes to dance

2008-03-28T10:26:00.002+08:00

i forgot to bring my clothes to dance again.. this time my entire set of clothes!!!!! i left them in the office locker - but i brought my shoe bag. Grr... damn pai seh.. had to borrow pants from An An (thanks for being so kind!! nice pants somemore) and singlet from yu shuyi hahahah... end up returning them sweaty clothes.. damn gross.. hahaha.. all for ryan's class and for shuyi.. LOL.. and guess who was in the class!!

Patrick tricky p just-back-from-LA Loo!! ahaha.. we're never too old to learn huh. and never too good to learn from anybody else. :) dance in this sense is not a business or some kinda ideological tool for people who choose to stand on different sides, and it really shudnt be. unfortunately it always happens. time will heal all wounds i suppose?

West coast dance

2008-03-28T00:02:00.003+08:00

Yeya and Keone Madrid - some house and some i dont know what u call it- new style i guess

lovelay....... at The Vibe workshop in Norway, week 8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSGGKfWACuc&feature=related

the one and only Tucker doin Charlene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V465J2LsW7s&NR=1

Vinh Nguyen and Keone Madrid to Jay Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNmGTechRKc&feature=related

Mari Martin my current fave.. shes so damn weird cool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGjgkxtl06k

Emerson Aquino the man doin Ashanti's The Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cjviYv-gGs

ok time to go home tmr still got work - bummer!

Xiao Jing Teng

2008-03-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UfpxkLSNUuY

I'm in love with Xiao Jing Teng after watching him live.. especially him doing his new self-composed song (see youtube link.. dont bother abt the medley :p).. and especially the 8min51sec climax.. damn the turn-on ley. And even more cute is that he's so shy and earnest when he sings a song that's supposed to be rockin' out... awww? No poseur rocker shit (maybe not just yet - sigh). Then i found out he's only 20.. ok la quite a cute age... then i found out he had an english name.. super anti-climax. It's "Jam". hahahahhaha.. why!!!!??

My beliefs and your beliefs

2008-03-24T13:11:00.002+08:00

my overriding thoughts for some time now and on random other occasions went something like this: your beliefs vs my beliefs.. your style vs my style.. your impression vs my impression.. your interpretation vs my interpretation.. you vs me.. just tired of going thru this whole process with other people while trying to maintain focus on being goal-oriented. people = judgments, preferences, idiosyncracies, habits. i dont really like people in general that much for that reason. :( yet at the same time you cant achieve much alone. tired of being imposed upon. if you wanna be racist.. preferential... judgmental.. unfair.. go somewhere else la.

Back

2008-03-24T09:47:00.002+08:00

Hello all!!!

Been a bit too busy to blog. More priorities in the form of preparing for LA/SF trip - being really paranoid and neurotic about having to do as much research as possible before the trip in order to maximize it, cos only ten days to play with :( so borrowed like tons of books from the library, as though i can finish reading them. haha. Other priorities still waiting for me to address them, like having to clean the load of crap in my room. it really is a pig sty now. but maybe not as bad as a certain colleague's room. Hahaha.... its up for my turn to share again soon so i'm also stressed abt choreo. just came out of being stressed for show and damn i am so gonna get cut pay-ed. booohooo. what else, hmm... lots of random stuff to do and plan for work i dont know where to start and really, my next job is going to be so so so different from what it is now. nvm, live out the G2000 life first.

2008-03-10T14:46:00.001+08:00

still recovering from evo/ ensemble.. think it sapped alot of me away damn!

2008-03-07T10:32:00.003+08:00

ahHH!! show tonite and tmr! think just gotta relax and enjoy la.. dunno why this time so nervous also. it's just evo leh. think i need to relearn how to deal with negative vibes. maybe cos i took it too personally. i mean, bf must separate from choreographer. ahh... enlightened. haha.. good show everyone!!

Performing

2008-03-06T16:54:00.003+08:00

Think i reached a plateau over the past year. Forgot how to project and perform. It's a sign of complacency.. dancers dont have to be overpraised to be complacent..they can simply be overlooked.. and nobody likes to feel mediocre, to dance just fine.. to just pass.. i mean if you're ok with that then it's a problem right? im not complaining because i know a lot of people have it worse for no reason at all. which is.. crazy.. and unreasonable.. but it just keeps happening and i guess one has to work around it somehow, and with lots of courage.. .. in any case diff people have diff symptoms for what is actually the same condition of not performing up to expectations. so.. one day to work on it. :)

Evo

2008-03-05T15:38:00.002+08:00

Enough of negative comments for today.. I'm excited for at least one reason: this evo i'm not dancing in pants at all hahahah.. i like ensemble for this.. you can wear (or dont wear) just about anything to dance.. the most cacat one so far was um en ying's at home shorts.

followers vs leaders

2008-03-05T11:14:00.002+08:00

unfortunately there are only 24hours a day... there will always be a trade-off in terms of what we choose to commit to, how we want to use the time, how we want to think about things, how we want to react to matters, and whether we want to accomodate to someone else's agenda or one's own. i believe there's a time and place for everythin..there are roles to play and so much -sometimes too much - flexibility of the individual required in the name of group effort, if not artistic license. so theres only space for one ego at a time, sadly, before group dynamics become affected.

oh shit i forgot to do something.

2008-03-04T01:10:00.002+08:00

tired.. shag.. exhausted.. you know.. i cannot fast one. but just now had to miss dinner for blocking rehearsals.. didnt know i'd last this long but i feel damn cannot make it by the end of 11pm. hahaa.. dad bought hokkien mee for me at my request :p the bf himself is three times more incapacitated.. overnight call never sleep work from 8am to 6pm the next day then come to stress out abt his own item that we're just not gettin right.. followed by more rehearsal after blockin run without dinner and with flu/ sore throat. sorry to hear that :( people who kena scolded.. please dont take it personally. yeah thats the only consolation i can offer on his behalf. haha..

why the heck are we stressing ourselves out so much and sacrificing real work commitments - real, paid, work with real, bosses - for this concert ah? i mean past few weeks since rehearsals started and etc i didnt feel too bad abt overtime rehearsals and exhaustion and all that.. but now a few days before show and im questioning myself abt this and i feel bad abt it. because it means im not finding as much meaning as i should and its definitely goin to affect performance. maybe its a exhaustion thing. tired of doin overtime rehearsals when the time used could have actually been halved. dont like unfair treatment either.. when people in the same item dont seem to be putting in as much but ok gettin away with it. yes its draining.. physically still can tahan but mentally have to keep thinkin positive thoughts and rationalizing for this and that. hopefully this feeling goes away by tmr la.. maybe its cos we had a lousy stage reh today.. wed and thurs can hopefully redeem.

but now yeah i'm pretty set on downplayin next wave and goin back to blast for a while for Shut Up and Dance. Yeah we have a small little goal to achieve in Sept, us oldies. :p so we're gettin together to try and pick up from where we left off. :) yeah its close to our hearts so i foresee us putting in lots of soul and time into this :) can't wait!

Jill Scott Robin Thicke

2008-03-03T10:25:00.002+08:00

YEssahh i got a new stash of jill scott and robin thicke tracks to last me thru the week! love love love their style.. great make-out music :D not that i use any music at all, hmm.

Obsessing about: Robin Thicke - Cocaine; Jill Scott - Crown Royal; Jill Scott - Gimme

Hit Da Beat

2008-03-03T02:07:00.002+08:00

Jabbas playing thieves on ABDC Ep 4... really reminds me of Hit Da Beat, eh? :P
http://youtube.com/watch?v=F6KDpBSzquE

pls watch kaba if you havent already :p

Human Nature

2008-02-28T13:19:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah i wanted to blog abt a lot of things right. Looks like i missed the timing.. haha.. in retrospect Human Nature turned out better than expected. I was expecting the worst.. that we'll portray schizophrenia in an offensive way.. that we'll end up not making any sense at all. But hey, i think overall the piece did say something rite ? after all that hard work and emotional investment, especially for the two lucky people :P kekeke.. really pushed all our boundaries la. And for that it's another milestone in my dance life no matter how tiny the event was. I mean.. improv was out of my league - not to mention non-hiphop vocab improv. I guess the song helped.. it was a good emotional song. Though we still have no idea what the heck afasha and illumi is. hahah. she could very well be singing about losing her dog or sth. Did three runs.. i thought first and third felt better.. first one banged my head on the ground and secured a major baluku ahhaa.. so thats evidence of um, feeling the piece. third one was like by ensemble for ensemble, so its ok. jennifer goh! she laughed on the way out with the crew and i nearly burst out laughing too. crap.. haha. then i turned the corner and saw ali sniggering behind the jacket. ali!

sigh.. i'll miss the ning nengs, geishas, aliens, raped women/ buttons, court shoes and striped shirts, the meds, plastic bags, fong sengs, and Anything that jeremy does. hahaha......... gotta thank zaini for taking this bold step too :)

What else.. oh.. the sharing sessions. We've had two so far. Not a bad start because 1) we are quite Regular in terms of people, and timing of sessions (erm, once every two weeks. hahahha.. gotta start somewhere!) 2) we've been talking abt it for the longest time - since your taiwan trip right car-leb? - and its been difficult tryin to see it materialize 3) we've been enjoying both sessions because of the crap talk that goes on - sorry to people like willy glen marcus.. takes time gettin used to it but u will :p 4) we've had good choreo so far which also had a good degree of experimentation. which means we are taking risks and tryin new things! kudos.. :D gettin it is one thing.. being open to new things is another.. and i must say calvin's dangerously in love was the most risky attempt which turned out more than decent! Loved it :) and i liked caleb's music for love the most tho he didnt teach it. hahahha.... plsplspls......... hot request.. hahaha.. and so what's for the near future? I foresee.. a Mariah Weekend. Hahhaha.. because both calvin and taufik are interested in two diff Mariah songs. So shall we have a Mariah Weekend? :p hmm.. by extension, if in the event we do become uninspired, we can come up with new themes, like um, Salsa Hip Hop or sth la. hahaha. Or ask someone to do homework, then have a Steppin' Weekend. Lol. aiyah.. not anytime in the near future anyways. by the time we make everyone do one round of choreo, it'll be Shut Up and Dance already :p

Oh also, we watched Persepolis and Jumper. I prefer the former to the latter tho i really liked Jumper for the action *OOMPH!!!! - teleport* and Hayyyyddddeeeeeeennnnnn...... ahh..............................................................

gulp. so cute. especially when he acts innocent.. he didnt and doesnt need to do much acting apart from that. *concentric circles in eyes*

Persepolis. Really really good.. very nuanced messages and feelings portrayed in what, the simplest of simple 2D formats and minimal colours.. as far as i can remember. I hope i got that correct. What made more impact was the soundtrack and the narration.. and the humour. It was both heavy and light.. at the right times.. as usual i gembeng i cry. Cos so sad :( especially when she felt different types of alienation at diff phases overseas and back home. Felt so real and so comical at the same time. Think she must be really brave to have told her own story in such detail. And her family was so revolutionary-cool. The type dorothy likes. hahhaa..

ok thats all.. ate in for lunch today and eyes closing. bought lotsa snacks to last the afternoon tho.. M&Ms.. watermelon.. bread.. yawn.

Jill Scott

2008-02-27T10:51:00.003+08:00

Got into a squeezy spot in the MRT, so no space to read. Had time to focus on listening to music and just do nothing in particular. Jill Scott came on, and it finally dawned on me how her music moves me. and i actually finally also discovered a simple way to articulate it.. it is that her music brings me back to square one. If i'm distracted by things i shouldnt be distracted by, e.g. pride, or complacency or whatever.. the music grounds me. If i'm not feeling too competent or happy or whatever.. it lifts me up. That's giving Jill Scott and her people a lot of credit, but i guess that's what non-pretentious music and art is really abt.. love it :D Would love to choreo to her music one day. There's already lots of people doin that.. just search youtube!

Info Overload

2008-02-26T17:12:00.002+08:00

just talking to myself while doing work in front of the computer..i concluded that i like engaging in information overload cos it drives me nuts in a good way :D otherwise i just revert back to being a bored little girl. who is not that little anymore :~(

i wanted to write abt human nature, abt hip hop demo workout @ courtyard, abt our 2nd sharing session (thanks caleb again for organising :)), abt some worrisome lump on my back, and abt persepolis which i highly highly recommend.

but aiyah no time la - later :P

shoutouts to friends whom i haven seen in a long time .. the usual la. u noe who u are. have a good rest of the week ahead and lets meet up soon.. which means after 7,8 Mar after Evocation (free dance concert). Or you can come watch.. up to you la. small-scale concert. but 11 items, so you should find at least one or two appealing. let me know soon if interested :)

Facilitation

2008-02-15T00:55:00.003+08:00

Kaba Modern Round 1 or 2? America's Best Dance Crew
http://youtube.com/watch?v=aIHcpN2Q-OE&feature=related

Love the colour scheme and the styling.. as always

Been on a facilitation course the past two days and tmr's the conclusion to this 3-day workshop.. i can only say you gotta try it to see how it actually builds for you a lifeskill.. not only do u use facilitation methods at events like focus group discussions or panels.. regular meetings also need major help with some facilitators man. plus it teaches things like effective communication and how to stay neutral.. be assertive when needed so everyone's precious time is saved and outcomes are reached. haha.. so marketing.

Trainers were excellent. im not sure i'll highly recommend it if not for them really... and i'll also highly recommend it anytime over some team-building nonsense shit crap activity. This is because the trainers were genuinely being themselves and not acting overenthusiastic to try to rah-rah the crowd.. and yet bonding occurs because people actually communicate btw one another. and communicate meaningfully rather than over how to bring the hula hoop downwards *cringe* in addition you learn other skills that enhance group effectiveness. if i had been exposed to this earlier i wouldnt have feared group projects and essays to the extent that i did previously. So any HR pple? facilitation courses/ activities over team-buildin/ orientation please ! Spare us the torture of socializin meaninglessly. Ok so do check out Foundational Facilitation Workshop by the Facilitators Network Singapore.. http://www.fns.sg/. My classmates are real jokers too.. so these 3 days were really well-spent :) wonder whats goin on at work tho! HMmmmm.. ok since not goin back to office shall not worry abt it yet.

This weekend got to first stress out abt 1) NAF 2) HHN 3) Ali's reh 4) Taufik's reh (gasp).. 5) Hiphop Workout.. oh no it's quite a tight weekend :(

Happy valentines day... it's all abt the face. If no flower no face. Why like that !!

Oh and ... i feel bad laughing abt (not at!) xxx and yyy.. it's zaini la make such hilarious comments and spot-on analogies.. hopefully everything works out when the real show is on :) been great working with you guys.. learnt a lot !!! plus great company :) now i can add something new to my resume.. hahaha.. which is.. cacat dancing.. and gasp, tryin to do a bit of dramatizing. and i thought EDS (dunman high's english drama society) was only good for making kentang frens :p whom i miss.